Discovering Who You Are
When I reached my 21st year I had completed 2.5 years of my four-year enlistment in the United States Air Force, I was married and living in England. Up to that point, the only thing I planned was being a Russian Linguist in USAF Security Service. No one told me that a most important thing was, for many people, learning who they are. This is a process that should begin upon reaching adulthood because you will learn about yourself as you go through your life. There will be competition for your time and attention; time spent on self-discovery will prove invaluable for your career, family, and loved ones. This process provides no guarantee for success, fame or fortune. But, a life worth living requires examination with a view to improvement for yourself and those around you.
I was fortunate that Mom, when I was around 12 years old, gave me a copy of Plutarch’s Lives for Children. By reading this over the course of two years I was able to distinguish good character and leadership traits from poor or, as is sometimes used, the wheat from the chaff. You might find reading a few chapters from this book useful for setting a course for yourself.
When I meet someone for the first time, I focus on five traits: a great smile, dry wit, intellectual curiosity, loyalty, and steadfastness.
The first two, being external are of little use for evaluating a person’s character. They serve as a starting point for evaluating sociability. People with these traits are fun to be with until such point as the wit become overly sarcastic and/or you find them unworthy of your trust.
Assessment of one’s depth of intellectual curiosity requires time. What I have learned over many years is the worth of intellectual curiosity varies directly with the time spent on drilling deeply into the details of a matter, by knowing all that is knowable about a person or subject before making assumptions or deductions. A failure to follow through often results in lazy assumptions which can lead you in the wrong direction.
Loyalty to ideals and persons can only be ascertained by going through a difficult time with someone or group of people or by coming to terms with your failure to live up to your ideals and beliefs. Human nature generally, though not always, focuses on me first, you second. We are living through Covid now. This emergency has brought out the worst in some people and the Better Angles in others. What has it done to or for you?
Of all character traits, I find steadfastness most important. This word is not much used in our age. It means having a dutiful, unwavering, and resolute commitment to an ideal or persons.
A good starting point for steadfastness is listing what you believe true and false and what you value together with the reasons underlying your belief. You might wish to update these lists over the years as your opinions might change and as you add items to your list. You should also determine moral, ethical, and legal lines you will never cross because, once crossed, it is difficult to recover from the damage done to you and your reputation.
You should also think about the character traits that will help you determine whether someone you meet should become, over time, a friend or remain an acquaintance.
When beginning a career entering into new relationships you will meet co-workers. Some will have admirable character traits. I choose to call these people builders because they try to build up people around them by helping, mentoring and contributing to the overall good of an enterprise and its members. Others then to be breakers who have a me first attitude and spread negative information about the business and its leadership. I am not saying that there will not be bad days for you or your career, but when there are, the builders will help make things better rather than complaining and worsening the situation. Over time, I learned to complain in silence and help find a solution.
If leadership is one of your goals, you should find someone at your workplace who shows good leadership skills and, after getting to know that person’s character and traits, seek advice as to their view on leadership and leaders. That person might be a mentor for you. You can then be a builder by mentoring people following you in your chosen career.
At some time, you might find a soul mate. An important first step involves determining whether your values and beliefs are compatible and, if not, the kind of compromises acceptable. Important considerations include religion, attitude toward child rearing, and household income, saving, and spending, including making and living within budgets.
Throughout your career and family life, you will find it helpful to live using, to the extent possible for you, the five traits discussed previously. Doing this will give you a high level of self-confidence which will instill confidence in others. Equally important, many otherwise difficult challenges and decisions will be made easier because you are well grounded in your beliefs and core values. If you fail to confirm a belief or value you should strive to fully understand why and, when appropriate, apologize and begin anew.
Summing Up
Perfection is not an attainable goal, but aim high
Knowing who you are and using the five traits will help make you the best person you can be by showing purpose, resolution, and integrity in everything you do.
Begin making associations with people who are builders.
Learn to argue, but with purpose. You can only argue when the facts are not in dispute – otherwise you are debating. Purposeful arguments occur once you begin to understand the other person’s reason for their belief.
You might consider keeping a journal that begins with your values and core beliefs. Keep track of successes and failures with explanations for each. When needed update your values and beliefs.
Passing Through . . . . 